Amy Nicholson on "Bride Wars"

Let's get right into it:

Leave it to two men—director Gary Winick and screenwriter Greg DePaul—to make the most empathetic and sincere female-helmed romantic comedy I’ve seen in years.

Everyone, please store this away in your "statements that will be proven utterly pointless by the end of the paragraph" folder.

(Chick filmmakers still nattering on about bridezillas and Manolos need to take a stilleto heel to their laptops—yeah, I’m looking at you 27 Dresses.)

So, I'll admit to having never seen "Bride Wars," and to never planning on seeing "Bride Wars" in my life. But I have seen the trailer. And unless this is one of those trailers that screws the whole movie up in an attempt to reach the romantic comedy demographic (when in reality it's a movie about a little girl dying), I'm confident in saying that this movie is exactly what you're saying it isn't, Amy. Isn't this, like, the movie version of the reality show "Bridezillas"? What the hell happens in this movie that effectively cancels out every single scene in the trailer?

For legitimacy's sake, here's part of the professionally-written, unbelievably-encyclopedic synopsis from the movie's Wikipedia page:

"Now, at age 26, they're both about to get married; they're about to realize their dreams; and they're about to live happily ever after. Or maybe not. When a clerical error causes a clash in wedding dates--they're now to be married on the same date!--Liv, Emma and their lifelong friendship are put to the ultimate test. Liv, a successful lawyer who is used to getting what she wants, including the perfect job and the perfect man, won't settle for anything less than the perfect wedding she has dreamed of for years. Emma, a schoolteacher who has always been good at taking care of others, but not so much in looking after herself, discovers her inner Bridezilla and comes out swinging when her own dream wedding is imperiled. Now, the two best friends who'd do anything for each other find themselves in a no-holds-barred, take-no-prisoners struggle that threatens to erupt into all-out war."

Even Wikipedia, mankind's ultimate purveyor of truth and reliability, includes the word "Bridezilla."

How the hell did the lifespan of the word "Bridezilla" last more than a few seconds in what I assume was the mind of a nine year-old boy?


Anne Hathaway and Kate Hudson play childhood best friends passive Emma and bossy Liv who get upended when their weddings are scheduled for the same day. The shocker isn’t just that their chemistry is legitimate, but that they’re real, dimensional humans, not wedding-obsessed fembots.

"Dimensional." They are "dimensional" human beings. Meaning, they consist of one or more dimensions. She doesn't specify exactly how many dimensions, so they may be extremely offensive, one-dimensional caricatures.

She also could've written, "I found that the characters in Bride Wars were not only real people that I've met in real life, but they are also sided."

Or, "The characters contain one or more characteristics that make them characters."

Or, per Max's suggestion, "Time and space are mere playthings for the characters of Bride Wars."

And that's just one word!

The thing is—and I know this because I've both watched a trailer and read a Wikipedia entry—they are wedding-obsessed fembots. The fact that they are wedding-obsessed fembots is the driving force of the plot. They each want to have the perfect wedding, and they spend what I guess is the majority of the film sabotaging their best-friendship because they are wedding-obsessed fembots.

IT'S CALLED "BRIDE WARS" YOU DUMB SHIT

In contrast, it feels almost perversely deliberate that their grooms-to-be, Brian Fletcher and Chris Pratt, are interchangable [sic] bros with buff shoulders, blank faces, and expensive button up shirts.

This does not help your argument in any way.

Co-written by comediennes Casey Wilson and June Diane Raphael,

So long, relevance of the first sentence of the review!

This makes it so the first sentence is basically like saying, "Leave it to Hitler's dogs to know when to commit suicide!" Also I just decided that Fire Lisa Schwarzbaum will employ Godwin's Law in every entry.

the script is more in tune with the hows and whys of their escalating outrage then the next pratfall; it’s about the Cold War of misunderstandings.

Yes, but is this because it was written by a man or because it was written by two women?

Come 2010, I might not remember Bride Wars, but it’s a damned decent start to the year.

you are like hitler